Thinking back to all my most memorable moments, it seems a little silly to mention the most beautiful one to be that of me securing a position in class, or scoring a basket at a match or a song well sung. My beautiful moment was one born of a sad situation. Like they say, every cloud has a silver lining, so my story goes. For my cloud was a large one, but the lining was more beautiful than any other.
My grandmother and I weren't the best of friends while I was growing up. Having lived under the same roof for all 17 years of my existence, we’d seen it all especially each others demons. So it came as no surprise how we were constantly at each others throats. To me, she was an old and extremely orthodox lady with a lot to say, who refused to keep up with the times. To her, I was a rebellious teenager who had lost herself in a world of evil temptations, or so she would say. I remember sometimes losing my cool and saying hurtful things to her, or even mocking her behind her back. To be truthful, I never meant any harm. It was more of a back and forth game to the both of us, always trying to one up the other. I just found her to be amusing at times when she’d scold me for a skirt too short, or coming home after dark or even my eating habits. I never paid any heed to her scoldings for I felt she didn’t understand the ways of the new age world. Little did I know how wrong I was.
She was diagnosed with a ruptured artery in her heart in the year 2010. None of us kids knew for sure what it meant exactly and nobody really took the time to tell us. My grandmother was a strong woman but after having lost her brothers, all too early, on the operating table, she refused to have anything to do with our modern doctors and medicines.
Eventually, a family doctor and relative was able to convince her to begin a course of oral medication. We watched her fight the long and painful battle with this disease.I watched as it ate its way inside her body and into her soul and turn my ever so youthful grandma into an older, shrunken, solemn vegetable. Seeing her that way tore a part of me every single time. I could barely look at her anymore. I found myself shamefully disgusted at her suffering. Refusing to believe this was my grandma. Where was the stubborn, loud, insane woman I spent my days debating the ways of the world with?
Seeing her smile was now a rare occasion. Months passed as I watched her suffer. I watched as the disease killed every flicker of hope she clung to. She finally moved out of our home and went on to stay at her ancestral home. In retrospect, I figure she knew where she needed to be towards the end.
My sisters and I would take turns spending nights with her, so she could be alone but not lonely. On one of those rainy nights, I sat by the window as I read a terrible mystery novel, when I heard soft sobs coming from her room. She was not one to cry, ever. In fact, I don't remember her ever shedding a tear no matter how hard things got. I stood and followed the sobs. It broke my heart picturing my grandma alone and brooding over her painful demise. I stood at the door of her room and watched as she was bent over at the knees with her face in a pool of tears lying on the clean white sheets of her bed.
I almost turned right back around, unsure of my intrusion. But I didn't, I went against my better judgement and sat down next to her on the bed. I placed my hand on her back.
I had no words; there was nothing I could say to make things better. I waited for the breakdown, for her to finally lose it and emotionally break, and that was when I saw the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine at that point in time. My grandmother looked up at me, eyes red from bawling, and she smiled. Her face glossy with tears streaming down her face but on it the most radiant and genuine smile I’d seen in what felt like forever. I squinted my eyes at her to make sure I wasn't imagining it. It was the smile we had all been yearning to see throughout these tough months. And here she was smiling at my stupid face. It must have really looked as stupid as ever, because the next thing I knew, she was rocking back and forth in uncontrollable laughter! Completely taken aback, I pushed myself away from her for a second, desperately trying to understand the situation, or what I had done that caused this. What did I do next? Only what made the most sense, I laughed. At first I laughed at her, telling her how silly she was behaving. She laughed even harder at that. A few moments into it, and the two of us were on the floor, rolling around laughing together. We laughed at each other, we laughed at everyone we knew, we laughed at the disease, we even laughed at the world. We both shared this brief moment of unexplainable happiness.
At that moment, nothing was bigger than us, nothing scared us. We were happy. I never wanted that moment to end. No words were needed, I finally knew what she felt and she knew it too. That night held the most beautiful moment of my entire life. She told me she loved me that night, although she’d said it to me before all the time, I had never felt a love so strong and I had never loved as I did that night. That was the last time I saw her laugh, let alone smile and it was beautiful.